I want to tell you the story of woman, a woman who has lived a life of incredible opportunity, who was often told how lucky she was to be ‘’living the dream’’. A woman who puts herself first, not to the detriment of others but in the pursuit of living her best life. A woman however who at the age of 33 felt completely lost and so guilty for wanting more. She knew she had already done so many things in her life that other people only dream of being able to do!

In order for me to tell you her story however I first have to tell you the story of a young girl.

A young girl who was painfully shy, anxious about being understood, and ruled by her emotions. She felt everything completely and to her core; fear, guilt, sadness, happiness, excitement, joy, and not just her own, she felt the emotions of everyone around her too. But she was strong, stronger than anyone around her knew.

We pick up her story as a 15 year old, she is preparing for a theatre performance at school when she realises that her outfit has no sleeves, for the average 15 year old girl this wouldn’t be a problem but on this day for her it was horrifying. She had to think of something quick and pushed her emotions down because if she didn’t everyone would see that her arms bared the wounds of last night’s self-harm. She was minutes away from needing be on stage and the only thing she had to hand was a pair of black tights, she cut them up and wore them as sleeves hoping no one would notice. As she sat on the toilet floor afterwards peeling the tights off the wounds that had still been weeping from the night before she burst into tears, she was overcome with shame, a sense of failure, and fear that someone would find out. She pulled herself together put her school uniform back on and went outside greeting her friends with a big smile and huge hug, determined not to let her problems become theirs too.

She was very good at hiding what was going on and she knew as long as no one found out she could keep up appearances. However it wasn’t long before people started to notice that something wasn’t right and she found herself in the position she was dreading the most, talking about it. Dealing with her own emotions as well as the emotions of the people she had let down, with everyone around her asking WHY! Why are you doing this to yourself, why didn’t you talk to me, why have you let it get to this point? WHY WHY WHY, she hated it. Mostly because she didn’t know why and she didn’t believe knowing why would help. She went through the motions in therapy and eventually stopped self-harming but in its place was self-destructive behaviour, behaviour guided by the intense way she felt everything and trying to avoid it, behaviour that put her friendships and family relationships to the test for the next 3 years! All of her emotions were just under the surface and they would come out at the most inappropriate times leading her to lie and deceive those closest to her about what was really going on.

With everything she had been through the one thing she had learned was she hated not being in control. She developed a new inner determination to live a life on her terms, and she was determined to find a way to be in control of her life.

She moved to Egypt just a few months before her 19th birthday, and built an incredible life there over the next 8 years, full of friendships, laughter, and joy. She fell in love, and her new determination helped her to move on from jobs that she didn’t feel valued in, trying new things she never thought possible, studying new things she thought she might like to pursue as a career, always looking for the thing that made her heart sing.

She gave everything 100% until she didn’t and once the decision was made there was never any going back. She was in constant inner turmoil with her determined side at battle with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and fear. How could a shy, anxious girl with so many emotions find what she was looking for and design a life she could be proud of?

After 8 years it was time to move on to the next big adventure and she swapped the sun, sea, and sand for the snow-capped mountains of the French Alps, she continued to pursue new opportunities but nothing excited her the way she was hoping. The problem was she always knew what she didn’t want in life but didn’t really know what it was that she did want. She knew she valued freedom but had no idea how she was going to get it, she was still on the search for that thing that would make her heart sing. At this point the feelings of guilt for wanting more were getting stronger as she started to listen to people around her saying ‘you live an amazing life, what more could you want’.

Armed with the knowledge that there was definitely more for her she was on the lookout for the next opportunity and bam there it is was a chance to move to Milan to pursue a career in personal finance. She jumped in head first leaving her partner and cat in France and living alone for the first time in her life in a new city, where she knew no one at the age of 32. This was the most incredible experience of her life so far but something just wasn’t quite right when she looked deep down her heart was not singing.

She found herself back in Chamonix, back working for company she had chosen to leave previously, and still on the lookout, wondering if she would ever find it, if living life on her terms would ever bring the moment she has been searching for all these years. It was sitting in a café with her soon to be husband that she decided to take another leap of faith and join a network marketing company, and with that she suddenly found herself surrounded by an entire group of women that were all looking for more and an introduction to the world of self-development was about to change her life!

She started to question why she always seemed to get to a certain point and then switch direction, she knew she was looking for more but wondered if something else was at play. She had always battled with feelings of self-doubt and knew it was time to figure out why! Because as far as she could see there was no evidence to suggest she couldn’t achieve anything she put her mind too.

As if by magic she came across a free 10 day workshop offering to help women find their personal power and she jumped at the chance, in that moment she hoped she was about to start a journey to understanding herself on a deeper level. But what she didn’t realise was that she was about to meet the person that would change everything for her. A stranger that had the tools she needed to realise her full potential. The 10 day workshop led to a clarity call which lead to the realisation that she had been carrying around all her emotions from her childhood and that they were stopping her from realising her true potential, passion, and purpose. The determined decision maker had served her well and seen her go out there and make her own opportunities in life, saying yes to things that excited her and walking away from things that did not, but it was time to be whole again and let her emotional side have a say too. With her new coaches guidance she had a breakthrough and the moment she had been waiting for all these years, her heart started singing. She knew the moment she let all her old anger, sadness, fear, hurt, and guilt go that she had found her purpose in life, she was meant to go on this journey so she could help other people to do the same, to live a life on their terms but to do so with wholeness!

Now armed with a lifetimes of experience walking the walk and a toolkit full of new skills she knows she can make a difference in the lives of others, and her only goal is to make sure they don’t have to wait any longer to find the thing that makes their heart sing!